On a more serious note..........

As of today I am 27 weeks, 5 days pregnant. Last week my fabulous OB-GYN put me on bed rest since my cervix wants to be an asshole and go all soft on me. That same night I ended up in the E.R. because my daughter was kicking the piss out of me. Literally. Of course I had a pelvic to be told that my lovely cervix has thinned out even more in the 7ish hours it had been since my Dr's appointment earlier that day. Fast forward through a very long and boring New Year's weekend.......domesticating the giant is not as easy as you would think but I have to follow Dr's orders. Today my Dr says he wants to check my cervix tomorrow (the man is obsessed with my vagina) and if it's changed I will probably be hospitalized. I'm afraid for my daughter. I'm afraid of her being sick and on machines when she's born. I know premature babies are born everyday and live and grow up to be healthy children but I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the little girl growing inside of me that I have ached to have for years. I'm talking about the miracle baby that was conceived  after the giant thought he could never have children. Years of miscarriages for me and a stillborn at 22 weeks that almost destroyed me mentally. I'm angry. I'm frustrated that my body won't play nice and there's a pretty good chance my daughter will be a NICU baby. I'm pissed off that crackheaded bitches that don't deserve a uterus much less a child have babies that end up being born on time and healthy (I never want to see ANY child suffer) and I have done everything I know and been told to do to ensure my daughter's health. I probably sound like a whiny bitch and at this point I don't care. The giant needs a break from me crying and all my fears and I'm pretty sure my friends do as well. I hope that anyone that reads this post will pray to whatever higher power they believe in and if you don't believe in anything then I hope you just send good vibes our way. Not for me, fuck me, I could give a donkey's asshole less about myself. For my innocent daughter that shouldn't have to start her life out suffering.