Why I Hate Jennifer Hudson

The other day I woke up with one of Jennifer Hudson's 50 kabillion songs from her Weight Watcher's commercials. This was at 5:30ish a.m. Needless to say it pissed me off as I was tossing and turning trying to get my ginormous pregnant belly comfortable to have that shit stuck in my head. Don't get me wrong, if you like her music, more power to you. I don't have a problem with her making music, I can chose not to listen to it since well.......I'm more into music where guitars are the primary instrument. Anyway, back to the point of this post. I'm sick of all these people thinking they have entitlement to congratulations and shit because they lost weight. Hey, guess what, you're not supposed to be fat in the first fucking place. I'm not trying to offend anyone, if you're overweight and are OK with it then I'm not here to judge you. If you have some sort of medical condition that inhibits you maintaining a healthy weight, I feel bad for you. My thing is I am sick of people patting themselves on the back when they "finally get healthy". I don't like it being crammed down my throat anytime I watch TV. It sickens me. I don't give props to people that quick smoking crack because they shouldn't have been crackheads in the first damn place. My mother became partially paralyzed (her right leg from the knee down) in 1985. In the years that followed she became morbidly obese. I watched her go through TWO gastric bypass surgeries. She became so depressed that she stayed overweight to the point she made her leg worse because it had to bear so much weight. As well as deforming her left leg because it had to pick up most of the slack. While I felt bad for my mom watching her struggle and ultimatly end up in a wheelchair she freely admitted much of her pain and inability to walk stemmed from being obese. About three years ago she decided she had enough and changed her eating habits. Cut out soft drinks, ate fruit when she craved sweets. She actually had, I don't know, discipline. She lost 116 pounds in nine months. Not bullshitting you at all. This woman who has to use a walker to get around her house lost me when I'm not pregnant. When I told her how proud I was of her all she said was, "There's nothing to be proud of. I had no right to abuse my body with all that garbage all those years anyway." You tell em Mama, I agree 100%.

On a more serious note..........

As of today I am 27 weeks, 5 days pregnant. Last week my fabulous OB-GYN put me on bed rest since my cervix wants to be an asshole and go all soft on me. That same night I ended up in the E.R. because my daughter was kicking the piss out of me. Literally. Of course I had a pelvic to be told that my lovely cervix has thinned out even more in the 7ish hours it had been since my Dr's appointment earlier that day. Fast forward through a very long and boring New Year's weekend.......domesticating the giant is not as easy as you would think but I have to follow Dr's orders. Today my Dr says he wants to check my cervix tomorrow (the man is obsessed with my vagina) and if it's changed I will probably be hospitalized. I'm afraid for my daughter. I'm afraid of her being sick and on machines when she's born. I know premature babies are born everyday and live and grow up to be healthy children but I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the little girl growing inside of me that I have ached to have for years. I'm talking about the miracle baby that was conceived  after the giant thought he could never have children. Years of miscarriages for me and a stillborn at 22 weeks that almost destroyed me mentally. I'm angry. I'm frustrated that my body won't play nice and there's a pretty good chance my daughter will be a NICU baby. I'm pissed off that crackheaded bitches that don't deserve a uterus much less a child have babies that end up being born on time and healthy (I never want to see ANY child suffer) and I have done everything I know and been told to do to ensure my daughter's health. I probably sound like a whiny bitch and at this point I don't care. The giant needs a break from me crying and all my fears and I'm pretty sure my friends do as well. I hope that anyone that reads this post will pray to whatever higher power they believe in and if you don't believe in anything then I hope you just send good vibes our way. Not for me, fuck me, I could give a donkey's asshole less about myself. For my innocent daughter that shouldn't have to start her life out suffering.